Ghosting: Why is this a thing?

We have all been there… You have been having an ongoing conversation over messenger on a dating app, gone out and had a great first date, or even been on several dates, all for your perspective “future someone” to go silent. For the long term. Ladies and gentlemen, you have officially been ghosted. This behavior has now become so popular, it has it’s own name and honestly, this is not a good thing. What this truly comes down is poor dating etiquette and immaturity. But I encourage you not to lose faith because this phenomenon can truly be fixed!

  • You have been having an ongoing conversation over messenger on a dating app
    In this scenario, I simply think ghosting happens because individuals are communicating with too many prospects at once. They lose track of conversations and forget with whom they potentially have plans or they go out with someone of interest and then “fall off” all other conversations. As much as I hate to say this, this is all part of the numbers game that is online dating. For my tips on how to combat this, read “The Real Life that is Online Dating.”
  • You have gone out and had a great first date
    A large part of meeting someone on a dating app is actually making it to the first date. While you may have great conversations over messenger, it is completely possible that you will not hit it off in person. Similarly, if you met “in the wild” (thanks GGE) and your first date is the only face-to-face time you have spent with this person, you may realize you do not “click” with the person. If either of these are the case, it is OK to be honest with your date. If he/she asks you out again and you are not interested in going, simply decline the date in a kind way. Just because you do not know someone very well, does not mean you should ignore them. Also, do not come up with an excuse (something along the lines of “Oh, I am really busy coming up and I am not sure when I will be free”) because this inevitably just puts off the person to follow-up with you at a later time.
    In a slightly different scenario, if you were setup on a date by a mutual friend/colleague, you definitely need to be honest about your experience. It may be awkward to tell your friend he/she missed the mark on “picking your type,” but it is inevitable that you will see this date in other social settings so keep everything friendly!
  • You have been on multiple dates with the same person
    If you have gone on multiple dates, but you realize this person is not someone you are romantically interested in, have the maturity to have that conversation with him/her. Talking about this face-to-face or even on the phone is typically uncomfortable because no one wants to hurt someone else’s feelings, but I promise you will be glad for having done this. Simply be kind and honest with the person. It does not have to be a long explanation, it can truly be something like, “I have been enjoying getting to know and as I have, I realize this feels more like a friendship to me. I feel bad saying this, but I want to be honest with you and not lead you on.” He/she will appreciate your honesty in place of wondering why they simply never heard from you again.

In my personal opinion, ghosting happens as a result of our lack of in-person communication due to our reliance on technology, leading to our lack of accountability to others. My challenge to everyone is simple, remember the wise words we were taught when we were young, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Sometimes doing the hard thing also means doing the right thing, and when it comes to other people’s feelings and emotions, I encourage you to do the right thing.

For those of us who have been ghosted and left not knowing how to feel, I leave you with this: Look on the bright side – do you really want someone who acts like that to be part of your life? Count your blessings and be glad he/she made an exit 😉
If you are still having trouble getting past being ghosted, check out this read!

Cheers y’all!

AB